With Silence and Tears
by Chervil
Summary: 'If I should meet thee After long years, How should I greet thee? With silence and tears.' [JouxSeto]


**Title: **With Silence and Tears  
**Author: **Chervil  
**Summary: **_If I should meet thee / After long years/ How should I greet thee/ With silence and tears.  
_**Disclaimer: **Not mine.  
**Author's Notes: **_When We Two Parted_, the poem, is written by Lord Byron.

* * *

_When we two parted  
__In silence and tears,  
__Half broken-hearted  
__To sever the years,  
__Pale grew thy cheek and cold,  
__Colder, thy kiss;  
__Truly that hour foretold  
__Sorrow to this._

"What did you say?"

The silence was unbearable, a whole separate entity in this conversation--lurking, malicious, ready to strike at any given moment. His chest heaved with righteous indignation. Tendrils of sweat trailed down his temples, paving a pathway down to his neck, and seeped into the thin material of his shirt.

"What did you say?" he repeated.

Seto Kaiba, his lover of eight months, stared coolly back at him. Scattered on their bed were numerous pamphlets and applications of varying colors and sizes. He had one grasped in his hand--the headline boasted of the Harvard Law School, its graduates, and the beatific smiles they all had on their faces.

"You don't need to go to college," the brunet replied just as softly, his brows furrowing in thinly veiled confusion. "You can stay here and I can take care of you."

Eight months had helped him grow accustomed to Seto's quirks, habits, and idiosyncrasies. He remembered the first day they became something other than enemies; something more. They were in the middle of an argument, both inflamed and shuddering with anger, when Seto had bellowed, "Why do I pick on you?" and their lips clashed together in a kiss so brutal that his teeth rattled with aftershocks for days.

It didn't take him long to realize that Seto had many, many layers to his personality and that there were numerous things about him he didn't know. Seto occupied a special place in his heart that he doubted would ever belong to anyone else. But despite their mutual and tentative understanding, there were still times when they fought. It was a simple fact of life--there were ups and downs to everything, and when you fought with your prima donna of a boyfriend, you had to trudge on and make up.

He doubted there would be a simple resolution now.

"But I _want _to go to college," he insisted petulantly. His only consolation was that he hadn't resorted to whining. Yet.

"Why?" the other queried simply. "You've got me." His words were inflected with the carelessness only a multi-billionaire teenager could achieve. "I can provide for you. I've got enough money to retire now if you wanted." Let it be said that Seto Kaiba did not need to brag. It was the truth, plain and simple.

"I can't depend on you forever," Katsuya pleaded. "I want to know that I'm bringing something to this relationship, instead of just being a bother. And I want to be able to support myself just in case you decide I'm not worth the trouble."

Seto looked disconcerted at the thought. "I would never do that."

"You might. To tell you the truth, I never know what you're going to do. You're so unpredictable that it's scary. And you're Seto Kaiba--I've put more into this relationship than you've ever had."

That wasn't entirely the truth. He knew that they held different standards for their actions. And while he threw himself headlong into anything he was remotely passionate about, he knew that Seto always analyzed the situation before tentatively stepping in. For him, that _was _practically throwing himself in. It was something that was sheer Seto and he'd be surprised if it was any different. It still nagged at the edge of his mind that Seto was so calm, so calculated, so bloody composed that it bordered on cold. But he knew, deep down, that while it might've been a big step for him to move into the Kaiba Mansion, it was an even larger one for Seto to offer in the first place.

"How can you say that?" The hurt showed on that fine face and in those eyes and Katsuya felt an irrational stab of triumph--finally, a _reaction_. "Is that really what you think of me?"

His bottom lip curled bitterly. "It's hard to think otherwise, Seto," he retorted. "You're so _cold_."

Katsuya felt the sudden chill in the air. It was an issue that they'd discussed a few times before, but never at length, and Seto always promised he'd try harder. And he did, really--it just wasn't enough. He saw the distress in those comely blue eyes before Seto responded with the only emotion he was extensively familiar with--anger.

"You're not going to college," he declared frostily, "and that's final."

Their fights weren't always explosive. They didn't always end in harsh words and broken furniture, and the inevitable make-up sex. There were certain ones that snuck stealthily up on them, waiting until their backs were turned and their defenses dropped, and struck with the lethal precision of a seasoned predator. This was one of those fights. No yelling, no profanity, no violence.

Two days later, Katsuya moved out of the Kaiba Mansion. Two months later, he left for America.

* * *

_The dew of the morning  
__Sunk, chill on my brow,  
__It felt like the warning  
__Of what I feel now.  
__Thy vows are all broken,  
__And light is thy fame;  
__I hear thy name spoken,  
__And share in its shame._

Seto checked his reflection for the umpteenth time. It wasn't because he was vain; the brunet only kept up appearances for the sake of publicity and the fact that his sense of decorum explicitly forbade him from ever wearing a t-shirt and jeans in public. No, it was a habit he'd developed over the years. He looked in the mirror whenever he was nervous or anxious or unsettled. Those words weren't nearly severe enough to describe the raging insecurity he felt now.

He was on his way to the Kansai International Airport for one purpose and one purpose only. Despite Katsuya's accusations and the barely suppressed rage in his eyes, Seto still loved the man. The other hadn't know the depths of his feelings and he doubted Katsuya ever would. But he had to rectify what he could. The thought of the blonde leaving--yes, he'd resigned himself to _that _fact--for countless years in America, separated by thousands of miles and several oceans, was barely tolerable. Coupled with the thought that he'd be leaving with Seto's name stamped at the top of his blacklist made it unbearable.

The intercom crackled to life and the voice of the chauffeur interrupted his reverie. "We're here, Kaiba-sama."

"Thank you."

Seto took a deep breath and wrapped his trench coat tighter around himself. Making small talk with the glitterati of Japan was an easy task; trying to express his true feelings to the man that he loved was something he'd find himself hard pressed to pull off.

After a few bribes and quietly asked directions, he finally found Katsuya's terminal. The chairs around terminal A9 were filled with many different people of varying ages and ethnicity. It didn't take him long to locate Katsuya's glaringly bright shock of blonde hair, seated by himself in the row of chairs facing the window. No doubt the intricate security system and regulations separated him from his friends--but they weren't Seto Kaiba, and they didn't have the privilege of paying off half of the security guards present.

"Katsuya," Seto called once he neared the back of the blonde's chair.

The other whirled around, all blonde hair and startled eyes, before those eyes sharpened in distaste. He scowled. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," he offered simply.

Katsuya snorted. "You finally want to talk, do you? I think it's a little too late for that. My plane leaves for America in--"

"--twenty minutes," the brunet finished for him. "I know."

"How do you--?" His eyes narrowed into slits. "You've been stalking me."

"I wouldn't call it stalking, exactly."

"Whatever it is, you've got no right to do it!" Katsuya insisted indignantly. "You lost that privilege two months ago when you decided I wasn't worth the trouble!"

Several people were looking their way. Seto could see the dawning curiosity in their eyes and inwardly cringed as Katsuya--presumably--prepared to bellow more accusations.

"Can we go somewhere more private?" he asked.

"Depends," Katsuya snarled testily. "Are you going to talk or are you going to make impossible demands of me again?"

Seto briefly considered retorting with a satirical comment of his own, but decided against it. He merely pivoted on one heel and headed off towards the Starbucks in the corner. He didn't doubt that Katsuya would follow him, an intuition proved true when he heard the muffled sigh and footsteps behind him.

"Espresso frappuccino, please," he told the young girl at the counter.

She smiled benignly and pulled the corresponding cup from the stack next to her. "What size would you like?"

"Grande."

She nodded absently and grabbed a marker from somewhere beside her. "And your name is?"

"Seto," he replied.

"Set--" Her eyes widened in mid-word and she stared at him, mouth agape.

Katsuya snarled impatiently from beside him. "I want a banana coconut frappuccino," he told the dumbstruck girl. "Venti, and it's going on his bill."

The words snapped her out of her stupor and she glanced briefly at Seto for confirmation. He nodded. A few minutes later, they were settled at a table for two in a secluded corner.

Katsuya took a sip from his frappuccino. "Now talk."

"I... I wanted to apologize," Seto started stiffly. "It was wrong of me to dictate what you could and couldn't do. I realize now how you must've felt--I did not mean to be overbearing."

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Did you rehearse that beforehand?"

Seto opened his mouth to deny it, but the look on the other's face stopped him. "Yes," he sighed in consternation.

Katsuya's brow furrowed. "You really don't know how to open yourself up, do you? Love is not about rehearsing apologies beforehand or making the same mistakes over and over again and apologizing afterwards. It gets tiring after a while, Seto. Sometimes I think you really don't care for me at all."

"I _do_," Seto insisted.

"Not enough!"

Seto growled. "What do you want me to do, then? You know I don't have much experience with these matters. I'm trying the best I can and it seems like nothing is _enough _for you!"

He looked deeply grieved. "Maybe it won't ever be enough, Seto. Maybe I need someone who can give me what I need."

The brunet took a deep, calming breath and exhaled through clenched teeth. "Could that someone ever possibly be me?"

Katsuya stared at him for several long, unbearable seconds before he shook his head slowly. "No, it won't. I'm sorry, Seto."

Seto nodded. "So am I." He reached over the table and touched Katsuya's cheek in what could only be read as a caress. "Whatever happens, I love you."

He left.

Katsuya stared at the spot Seto had occupied for minutes afterwards, eyes empty. He finally uttered a dry, brittle sound that was a mix between a sob and a laugh.

* * *

_They name thee before me,  
__A knell to mine ear;  
__A shudder comes o'er me...  
__Why wert thou so dear?  
__They know not I knew thee,  
__Who knew thee too well...  
__Long, long shall I rue thee,  
__Too deeply to tell._

Jou Enterprises had made a name for itself in the past seven years. Gathered bit by agonizing bit by one Jounouchi Katsuya; it had climbed up the steep hierarchy and was now synonymous with law in America. Katsuya's collection of lawyers were handpicked, suave, and intelligent--truly the crème de la crème. Seto had followed Katsuya's progress avidly through whatever means he could.

There were surprisingly little things that the media did not divulge to the public. They fortunately did not include Katsuya's love life, which meant that the brunet could effortlessly compile a list of Katsuya's past (and current) love interests.

He once wondered whether Katsuya missed him as much as he missed Katsuya. Then he remembered his parting words and the steely resignation in his eyes as he watched Seto walk out of his life. Recollections like that made him want to retreat to his bedroom and never come out.

He had briefly dwelled on suicide after Katsuya's departure. Then he took one look at Mokuba's smiling face (he'd kept his cracked, aching heart hidden from everyone, including his brother) and chastised himself for thinking such ridiculous things. He could live without Katsuya--if you could call what he did living--but Mokuba couldn't live without him.

Seto also remembered the first time he saw Katsuya after their painful separation. Jou Enterprises was a rising star in the corporate world and everybody longed for its services. Some malevolent businessman had too much time on his hands, apparently--he'd devised a tight-knit plan to kill two birds with one stone, as it were. Kaiba Corporations and Jou Enterprises were forced to collaborate to save their own collective asses.

Seto recalled the sharp, stabbing pain when Katsuya looked at him with those cold eyes, as if he didn't recognize Seto. Their meeting was purely business and remained that way, nothing more.

That was the first and last time he saw Katsuya.

* * *

_In secret we met  
__In silence I grieve  
__That thy heart could forget,  
__Thy spirit deceive.  
__If I should meet thee  
__After long years,  
__How should I greet thee?  
__With silence and tears._

_Perhaps Katsuya has finally moved on._ That was the single thought that struck his mind as he read the invitation. Jou Enterprises hosted an annual charity ball sometime in mid-December. The proceeds went to various charities in America. Katsuya had held the charity ball for the past few years and it had always been a success--it had to be for the Japanese newspapers to explode into such a frenzy.

Seto hadn't been invited to any of them. He'd made up excuses, even in his own mind--Katsuya had merely forgotten; he didn't think Seto would come, even if invited; it was too much trouble to send mail over several oceans and numerous countries, the like. It wasn't until the third missed charity ball in a row that the truth finally hit him smack dab in the face--Katsuya simply did not want him there.

He'd spent one night getting gloriously drunk. The next day, he pulled himself together and plowed on with life as usual. Katsuya might've crippled him forever, but damn it, he wasn't going to let anyone else know that. That was, until he received the simple, yet elegant invitation in the mail. The charity ball was only a scant two weeks away.

Seto arrived at the ball with Shizuka Kawai on his arm. He'd presented it to her as a matter of convenience--they'd both needed dates and he was expressly convinced that he wouldn't end up sleeping with her in a moment of uncertainty. Despite their stark contrasts in looks, Shizuka possessed a wide array of qualities that reminded him painfully of her older brother.

"I'm glad you're taking me," Shizuka whispered in his ear as they entered the spacious, opulent ballroom. "I don't think I would've come by myself--it's just embarrassing to attend without a date."

His lips curved into an amused smile. "I could say the same of myself."

She laughed a light, twinkling sound. "Still, I'm forever indebted to you."

"Come, you give me too much credit. Consider it an even return for everything I've done to you," he replied smoothly, though he honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd done something offensive to the girl.

"How generous of you," she quipped in response, and nodded an absentminded greeting to the woman on her left.

Seto plucked a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter and presented it to Shizuka with a flourish. She took the slender stem in one hand and sipped daintily.

"I've never been to one of these before," she supplied, "and I've got no idea what to do. Do you think you could help me out?"

Seto nodded in the general direction of a flock of finely dressed women--slinky and curvaceous and didn't peak his interest at all--in the corner. "At this time, we're merely conversing. You're to make yourself amiable and talk to them."

Her nose wrinkled and she brushed a silky ringlet away from her eyes. "I hate making small talk."

He smiled. "What do you think you've been doing with me for the last fifteen minutes?" He gave her a gentle nudge in their direction. "I'll let you have twenty minutes with them, and I'll come over and rescue you before we dine."

Shizuka considered this proposition for a moment, and then reached up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "It's a deal."

Seto stared at her in astonishment, with his right hand pressed to his cheek, before pivoting on his heel, and only to find himself looking at none other than Jounouchi Katsuya. He was turned to the side, greeting some other guests with a smile on his face and a brunette on his arm.

The brunette was, to say the least, beautiful. She was perhaps as tall as Seto was, topping Katsuya by several noticeable inches, sheathed from bust to toe in a glittering periwinkle chiffon gown that brought out the color of her eyes. She was glancing around in different directions, not at all interested in the conversation Katsuya was holding with the other couple. She vaguely resembled someone he knew, but he couldn't quite place her, and so turned his attention to Katsuya instead.

The years had done him good. He looked nothing like the Jounouchi Katsuya of old, with shabby clothes and shaggy hair. He was dressed in a black three-piece suit that looked like it could've came from Seto's own closet, save for the height difference, with hair smoothed back into a style that was nothing like Katsuya. But then, had he really known Katsuya that well before?

Seto sighed forlornly and turned in the other direction, heading out the double doors and onto the balcony. He leaned against the balustrade, staring out at the gardens below, highlighted by the light crimson of the setting sun. It really was a picturesque scene, if only he had someone to share the sight with, and contrary to what Shizuka thought, he had no romantic interest in her at all.

There was the clicking rhythm of heels on marble. It must've been Shizuka, tired of waiting for him to rescue her and--much like her brother would--had taken matters into her own hands. But when he turned around, it wasn't Shizuka making her way out onto the balcony, but the brunette that Katsuya was with before. Her eyes swept around, as if searching for someone, before they alighted on him. Her expression turned to one of steely resolve and she made a beeline towards him.

"I saw you in there," she offered by way of greeting as she neared him. "Let me introduce myself. I am Jacqueline Phillips, Katsuya's date for tonight."

"Seto Kaiba. Pleased to meet you," Seto responded in kind, extending a hand for her to shake, which she did so. He tucked his hand into the pocket of his slacks, leaning against the balustrade and turning his back on her.

"Katsuya's mentioned you," she said quietly from behind him.

That caught his attention. "Oh?" he said, almost carelessly. He pushed himself off from the balustrade and face her again. "Has he?"

The edges of her lips curved up into a smile, filled with longing and a sadness that he couldn't quite comprehend. "I understand your predicament more than I'd care to," she said, her voice so soft that he had to strain to hear.

"I'm afraid I don't quite understand," he replied.

Jacqueline took the necessary steps to forward to bring herself face to face with him. She pulled her stole tighter around her shoulders and sighed softly. He could see the fluttering of her eyelashes, due to their close proximity.

"We're both hopelessly in love with Jounouchi Katsuya." There was a pregnant pause here, in which Seto was too shocked to say anything, and she continued on as if she hadn't paused. "He is like a flame, that Katsuya. And we're... we're the moths, fluttering in the periphery, irreversibly attracted to the flame, and yet scorched if we come too close."

Seto stared at her, still half-dazed.

"You've been burned before, Mr. Kaiba," she stated simply. "I can tell."

"You've an astute sense of observation," he conceded. "But I fail to see how this is any of your business."

Jacqueline offered him another one of her strange smiles. "Forgive my imprudence, Mr. Kaiba, but I believe it's in our best interests to see Katsuya happy. No matter how I try to deny it, I know Katsuya's not happy with me. I know in my heart that he loves you just as you love him, and I'm willing to step aside if that's what'll make him happy."

Seto felt the first stirrings of hope in his chest, and oddly bouyed by this stranger's sincere offer. But then... _"You're so _cold._" "Maybe it won't ever be enough. Maybe I need someone who can give me what I need."_

"No."

"No?" she echoed.

Seto's eyes flashed. "My answer is no. Contrary to what you may believe, I do not have feelings for Jounouchi Katsuya." _Liar,_ his heart accused. _You damned liar_. "He was--and is--a thing of the past, one that I will not allow to be brought up. Thank you for your offer, Miss Phillips, but it was drawn from erroneous conclusions. Have a pleasant evening."

He resolutely stared the woman down, watching the pity surface in her eyes with a feeling of immense nausea, and closed his own as she turned and walked away. Her footsteps gradually receded.

Seto was left alone for several blessed minutes, contemplating the ironies of his life, before more footsteps clanked on the marble behind him. He'd already made a mistake in assuming it was Shizuka once before, so was now content to keep staring into the lingering darkness as the footsteps approached him.

"Thank--" His mouth snapped shut of its own volition, as he found himself face to face with Jounouchi Katsuya. If a glimpse of him from several feet away made his heart flutter in his chest, then having him this close sent it vibrating with suppressed emotions. He savagely stomped down on the urge to grab Katsuya to him and never let go.

"Well, well," Katsuya murmured mockingly as he saw Seto's expression close off. "How the mighty have fallen."

Seto drew himself to his full height, staring down his nose at the blonde. "I'm afraid not," he hissed, deliberately obtuse. "For, contrary to what delusions you've adopted, you were never mighty in the first place."

Katsuya's hazel eyes flashed in annoyance in the dim light of the moon. "I was not referring to myself, Kaiba," he said cuttingly, stressing the formality of Seto's last name with a vicious emphasis that cut through his defenses like a knife through butter. "Surely someone of your upbringing can understand my true meaning."

"I have to say that this is one subject I'm proud to fall short of the standards," he replied lightly. "For though I am well versed in many languages--Japanese, English, Latin, Spanish, and Portuguese included--I'm afraid I've never mastered the dialect of canines."

The other didn't reply as he expected; with a scathing retort that would force him to rejoin with one of his own. No, Katsuya merely pressed his knuckles to his forehead in a credible imitation of a salute and remarked, "Touché."

Seto watched with a strange weariness as Katsuya turned to the gardens, apparently done with the conversation and merely content to ignore him. He let a fatigued sigh escape from his lips and made his way back into the ballroom to join Shizuka.

Katsuya watched as Shizuka stepped up to Seto's side and whispered something in his ear. He watched as Seto's expression softened into one of simple indulgence. He watched as she slipped her hand into the crook of Seto's arm and watched as his sister and the man he loved walked away, from him. He watched until they were both mere silhouettes in the distance, separated by the length of a ballroom but yet so irreversibly far. He watched and waited until they were out of earshot before swiping a hand over his eyes in undisguised exhaustion.

"I love you, Seto," he whispered to the darkness. "Can't you see that?"

_fin_.


End file.
